I've been reading some blogs and articles about raising girls that make me so sad and angry with the sentiment, even as I understand the motivation. While I understand to a certain degree why someone would encourage people to not ONLY praise their daughters for being beautiful. I find it to be the height of shallowness to withhold telling a child how beautiful they are.
Most of the articles I've read are giving advice to strangers on meeting a little girl in a social setting. How to engage them beyond telling them that they're pretty. I, of course, support that, but leading by complimenting their appearance shouldn't deeply wound their self-esteem or turn them instantly vain and vapid. Children get the most information about their self-esteem from their closest caregivers, especially how the caregiver(s) model behavior about their own selves.
So here is my response:
ALWAYS tell your daughter she is beautiful. Tell your son too. Never be afraid to really look anyone, child or adult, in the eyes, really see them and tell them they are beautiful. Teach your kids to understand that beauty is in one's soul and emanates from their passion, intelligence, vitality and goodness. Teach them that there is beauty in more than just the physical manifestation of a flower or a pretty face. Teach them that life is beauty. That they are a blessed part of it.
To pointedly not tell a girl she is beautiful is setting her up to not understand her full potential. It's okay to be beautiful. It's doled out equally and uniquely to everyone alive. Spend your days seeking it out in the people you encounter and your whole world will evolve before your eyes. I don't always practice what I'm preaching here, but I hope I will always find my way back to that goal. Certainly as a mother I hope to give both my daughter and my son the self-realization that who and what they are is beautiful.
They also can learn to be aware that they have choices in how they comport themselves. How they choose to express themselves physically coupled with their actions, interests and attitude define them as a whole and they will be judged in life upon the choices they make in creating themselves as who they want to be. Nature changes itself to be it's most attractive to what it wants most to attract. People aren't any different. It's natural to feel good when someone notices you as an attractive person. It's natural to want to give that feeling to children you encounter. Those inclinations don't need to be stifled in a child or a well-meaning adult, but supplemented by encouraging a child on a day to day basis to understand their own personal value. How their value encompasses all of who they are, not compartmentalized as just their appearance or just their intelligence, etc.
Always tell children they are beautiful and find every way you can to show them the beauty that surrounds them and is within them every day. Even in the darkest of times and ugliest of settings teach them to look for the beauty and to see the beautifulness in themselves. Teach them that being your best self realized is what is most beautiful. That usually tends to require being well-rounded, ambitious in your quests, educated in your chosen paths and passionate about what you care about most.
Every person has beauty in them. It isn't always easy to find or see, maybe it gets worn down, lulled to sleep or slowly destroyed by life circumstances and difficulties, but it's there. Experiencing that beauty and recognizing it in yourself can be elusive from day to day, moment to moment. There is no easier time in a person's life to find it then when they are a child. Children tend to radiate hope, love, trust, passion, a desire to learn and the ability to soak up each moment in every day like a sponge. This is your chance to show them how beautiful that is and maybe find it in yourself as well. Watch them bloom before your eyes under the gaze of your full attention and loving genuine praise. Give them that gift. The gift of feeling how beautiful they are and you'll likely receive that gift to yourself through the very process of giving it to them.
I am only writing here what I myself also need to hear and remember from day to day.
Most of the articles I've read are giving advice to strangers on meeting a little girl in a social setting. How to engage them beyond telling them that they're pretty. I, of course, support that, but leading by complimenting their appearance shouldn't deeply wound their self-esteem or turn them instantly vain and vapid. Children get the most information about their self-esteem from their closest caregivers, especially how the caregiver(s) model behavior about their own selves.
So here is my response:
ALWAYS tell your daughter she is beautiful. Tell your son too. Never be afraid to really look anyone, child or adult, in the eyes, really see them and tell them they are beautiful. Teach your kids to understand that beauty is in one's soul and emanates from their passion, intelligence, vitality and goodness. Teach them that there is beauty in more than just the physical manifestation of a flower or a pretty face. Teach them that life is beauty. That they are a blessed part of it.
To pointedly not tell a girl she is beautiful is setting her up to not understand her full potential. It's okay to be beautiful. It's doled out equally and uniquely to everyone alive. Spend your days seeking it out in the people you encounter and your whole world will evolve before your eyes. I don't always practice what I'm preaching here, but I hope I will always find my way back to that goal. Certainly as a mother I hope to give both my daughter and my son the self-realization that who and what they are is beautiful.
They also can learn to be aware that they have choices in how they comport themselves. How they choose to express themselves physically coupled with their actions, interests and attitude define them as a whole and they will be judged in life upon the choices they make in creating themselves as who they want to be. Nature changes itself to be it's most attractive to what it wants most to attract. People aren't any different. It's natural to feel good when someone notices you as an attractive person. It's natural to want to give that feeling to children you encounter. Those inclinations don't need to be stifled in a child or a well-meaning adult, but supplemented by encouraging a child on a day to day basis to understand their own personal value. How their value encompasses all of who they are, not compartmentalized as just their appearance or just their intelligence, etc.
Always tell children they are beautiful and find every way you can to show them the beauty that surrounds them and is within them every day. Even in the darkest of times and ugliest of settings teach them to look for the beauty and to see the beautifulness in themselves. Teach them that being your best self realized is what is most beautiful. That usually tends to require being well-rounded, ambitious in your quests, educated in your chosen paths and passionate about what you care about most.
Every person has beauty in them. It isn't always easy to find or see, maybe it gets worn down, lulled to sleep or slowly destroyed by life circumstances and difficulties, but it's there. Experiencing that beauty and recognizing it in yourself can be elusive from day to day, moment to moment. There is no easier time in a person's life to find it then when they are a child. Children tend to radiate hope, love, trust, passion, a desire to learn and the ability to soak up each moment in every day like a sponge. This is your chance to show them how beautiful that is and maybe find it in yourself as well. Watch them bloom before your eyes under the gaze of your full attention and loving genuine praise. Give them that gift. The gift of feeling how beautiful they are and you'll likely receive that gift to yourself through the very process of giving it to them.
I am only writing here what I myself also need to hear and remember from day to day.
